When the bond of friendship breaks it lends credence to the assertion that all good things come to an end. The dissonance created by this is apparent even though you may be the one who decides when and how to cut the tie with your friend. If you’re left-brained, you may reason that you should end the friendship at a certain juncture. If you’re right-brained, you may intuitively sense that you need to.
Intuition and reason merely help us pinpoint the many warning signs of a decaying friendship. Knowing when to cut the old branch off of our tree is only part of the issue. How you end the friendship implies a lot about you as it does about the friendship itself. Particular care must be exercised since “the bridge you burn today, you may need again”.
You can itemize signals that dictate that you should end a friendship. However, you must acknowledge that some friendships may be able to overcome these. Wisdom and social intelligence is paramount here. However, you should usually end a friendship when:
i) You discover that your friend or your friendship was not what you thought it was
A fool’s paradise is a great place to be- until the reality check. You may have thought that your friend was a genuine person, but turned out to have ulterior motives. This may alter the view of your friend and the friendship. If hindsight tells you that things were not as they seemed, end the friendship.
ii) Your friend betrays you
There is nothing worse than betrayal. The bond of trust is eroded along with other pillars of friendship. This is a major reason to cut ties, because a true friend would not deceive you.
iii) The friendship dims your reality
You may start to feel emotionally drained by a friendship. Perhaps your friend seems to you as a crutch, piggy bank or life support. Friendship is about sharing not just giving relentlessly or taking unabashedly.
iv) Circumstances change to render the friendship obsolete
Let’s face it; some friendships are there for a season, or maybe just a summer. If the chemistry doesn’t last beyond a specific period, you need not fight it just because.
v) Your friend unapologetically disrespects you
Friends care about each other. That includes feelings as well. Disrespect is a demonstration of insensitivity and apathy towards another. With a friend, this is a no-no. Even if your friend apologetically disrespects you -but does this repeatedly- it is time for the exit.
vi) Your friendship interferes with other aspects of your life
You have other activities and people in your life, yet your friend repeatedly makes unfair demands on you. Perhaps your wife isn’t happy about your friendship with your attractive worker and it is creating a rift in your marriage. Choice is a demonstration of power, but not when we are forced to choose. If your friendship is detrimental to other aspects of your life, you probably need to end it.
Now that you reach the point where you decide to end a friendship, deciding how to do this is a problem. Do not leave a voicemail, e-mail or text message indicating that the friendship is over. See yourself as being above that. When determining how to end your friendship, you have to decide whether you want to be mature about it or a fool.
The nature of the friendship and the reason for its abbreviation would be factors that determine your exit strategy. Having a talk with your friend and explaining your reasons for ending the friendship are a great way for dealing with a close friend who did not commit a mortal sin. It is important to be non-accusatory about the “break-up”. This may even provide a faint chance of restoring the friendship.
Another option is to let your friend down easy. Not by words, but by actions. You can demonstrate that the tie is not cut completely. Perhaps, you could gradually eliminate the privileges that your friend had. Continue this until you treat your former friend just as you treat an acquaintance. Hopefully, you’ll be civil, respectful and polite, but you could wilfully omit the “friendship things”.
Distancing yourself may be what is required in the case of tricky situations with draining friends or inappropriate friendships. You may just have to cut all communications or ties abruptly. This may seem harsh, but sometimes such action is necessary to reclaim your space and exclude unwanted elements completely from your life.
When deciding to end a friendship and selecting our exit strategy, we must be mindful that we are dealing with another human being. No matter how much an erstwhile friend hurts or disappoints us, we must be magnanimous.
We must also keep in mind that it is not always necessary to snap the bond completely. Sometimes, we can let them down easy or cool things off a bit. Friendships are necessary, but sometimes we really need to let them go. If we do it the right way and for the right reasons, we’d be better individuals with better lives afterwards.
